My six months in the Gateways Beyond Training School's first year program were the most world shaking and life reviving of my twenty years. I will never be the same. I hold the truths I learned there in my heart everyday, and will always look back at that time on the small island in the Mediterranean with deep gratitude. God whispered to my spirit in the form of the teachers, staff, and the program as a whole. I will soon be returning to this life changing place, where the love is genuine and the revelations - life changing.
When I arrived at the Gateways Beyond Training school at the beginning of 2008, I was prepared for great teachers, deep theology, and a series intensive missions courses to jump start me into my international life calling. I was ready for God to speak to me and work in me. I wanted to foster a deeper level of intimacy and love with my Father. Little did I know that I had set my sights too low. What I left with in June of that same year, was a completely different reality to live in. One in which miracles occur daily, without loosing their awe inspiration. One in which I can say that I am the daughter of a good Father, and believe it. And one in which God's presence took on a beautiful familiarity. But I must fill you in on what took place between January and June that lead to such a transformed life.
I learned that our GTS 2008 theme was "Born of God" when we started classes in the almost unbearable cold of January. I'm ashamed to say it now, but I was somewhat disappointed. It struck me as...elementary. I thought, yes, I know I'm a child of God - I learned that in Sunday School as a little kid. But, as the year went on and our study of John's First Epistle continued to present truths that I felt must have been hiding for the last twenty years, I realized that I had no idea what being a child of God really meant. God's love for me as my Father was greater than my finite mind could have ever have imagined. And the presence that He desired to have in my life was more real than my skin. I began to understand that being a child of God comes with a level of authority - I speak to this world on behalf of my Father. He has placed His living Spirit inside of me to direct me in establishing His Kingdom rule on earth. Although it sounds somewhat cheesy, during a prayer time one morning in Berlin, God spoke to me and said that with Him, everyday is take your daughter to work day. The truth in that statement's simplicity forever changed the way I live. I carry the reality of Heaven inside of me, because I am the daughter of the Most High God! I have the family likeness. I started desiring to be about my Fathers work in a way I had yet to know. Because I better know who He is, I better know who I am and what I am supposed to be doing on this earth. I began to understand the empowerment of the Holy Spirit in my life. I do not only crucify myself with Christ, but I rise up and live with Him in resurrection power as well!
Living in this new reality has been like moving to a new city. I love living in it and have learned where all the daily necessities are, but I want to become familiar with all of it's pleasures and practicalities that I have yet to discover. So, I'm asking for the help of respected residents of the city who have lived in this reality longer than I have. That's why I will be returning to Cyprus under the GTSII leadership. There is still so much I have to learn about walking in the Spirit of God. Some might say that I can learn these things in the States on my own - isn't the Holy Spirit a good enough teacher? Or aren't there other good schools you could go to? Why must you return to Cyprus? The answer to these questions are, of course He is, and of course there are, but I believe God is calling me back to Cyprus. My heart strings pull me there. I feel like my discipleship should continue under the authority of those I have come to trust, love, and respect. And as I was so pleasantly surprised to find the first time I was there, I actually believe they all love me when they say it. It's an art loving a young person you just met with such sincerity, so contrary to the artificial love of this world, that they are startled by it (in a good way). Before I go any farther, I must confess that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back to Gateways. I suppose it had something to do with a sneaky pride that didn't want to admit I still have things I need to grow in. I mean, if my first six month intensive didn't completely perfect me, I better not tell anyone, right? I now see the ridiculous fallacy in that thinking and am submitting myself to what I believe is God's desire for me: Cyprus.
Coming home from Gateways Beyond, and living once again with family and friends, has highlighted (with what feels like an annoyingly bright shade of neon yellow) some of the afore mentioned areas I still need growth in. I won't sugarcoat it - I still find evidence of selfishness and spiritual laziness in my life. I know that I am in a process and I refuse to accept the guilt that tries to attach itself to me after I have repented, once again, for failing in one of these (and other) areas. But I desire full victory in them. On top of this, one of many invaluable things I learned in my first year at GTS, was that no matter how wonderful I think God is - He is more wonderful. And no matter how deep I feel my relationship with Him is - it can go deeper. I have experienced the life changing work God chooses to do in those Mediterranean mountains and know that there's more to be done in me.
I've known that I was called to international ministry since I was nine years old when my mom took me on my first missions trip. It's been a consuming passion ever since. I know that God has created me to live among the nations. When I talk about it my heart beats faster and God has graciously created me to enjoy my calling. My home is where the Lord is. And my destiny lies across oceans and borders.
My trip with Gateways in 2008 was my first experience in Israel. I have spent a large portion of my life in a Messianic congregation and considered myself to have an good understanding of the importance of Israel. But I never considered myself a "fanatic". I listened to people who had just returned from the Land tell romanticized stories of feeling "at home" the second their feet hit the ground and bursting into tears at various holy sights. I didn't get it and definitely didn't think I would be one of "those people". And then I man named Asher Intrater came to speak. I absorbed his teaching like a sponge. I began to understand the covenants of God. This made my experience in Israel so much more meaningful. But even then, I didn't have a romantic view of Israel - I had the revelation. I fell in love with the Land and its people. So much so, that I still set aside every Friday before shabbat to pray and fast for God's chosen people. It was a discipline that has become a pleasure. Walking down the streets of Jerusalem seemed strangely familiar in all of their unfamiliarity. And I felt unexplainably connected to the physical ground and nature there - more so than I ever have in my native state of Colorado. I asked the Holy Spirit to show me why I felt this way and He simply said, "You feel this way because this is your inheritance." God did something in my heart at that moment - He tied my heart to the Land. I desire to live there for some period of time in my life. It is my responsibility to provoke God's people to jealousy by the intimacy in my worship and relationship with the God of Jacob.
Being in the Gateways Community feels like being surrounded with family. I have finally met people who understand why I get teary eyed just thinking about my desire to live with people who have yet to know the love of Jesus. Or who understand the language of leaking, exploding, and a good dose of shaba juice:) I want to surround myself with people who have gone before me and gained wisdom that I do not yet attain. I know that there are still things that I need to work on in my own life before I can be fully effective in ministry. I want to go out into the harvest field with my muscles strong and my sickle sharp. I want to once again place my life under their authority to mold me into an effective servant of the Kingdom. Yeshua has begun a great work within me, but there is more to be done. I believe part of that work is to be completed in the Gateways Beyond Community.
Shalom!
