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| Shanny and I on my 22nd birthday eating amazing baklava:) |
Shannon, or Shanny as she is better know to those near and dear in her life, is one of my favorite people in the world. 2010 marked ten years of our covenant friendship and I am so blessed to know her. We have seen each other through times of joy and pain, supported each other in missions, and even went through a rebellious time together (we liked boys when we were 13. Yikes!).
One of my favorite things to do with Shanny is to talk and laugh about the book we will write together one day, entitled, Help! I was Homeschooled! We get together over chai and share our hearts to see freedom brought to young people in our generation who may have been misguided, like we were. Now, in our twenties, we have been on a similar journey of learning about the reality of blood bought grace in our lives and the freedom that is our inheritance in the Kingdom of God. So now, whenever we share a powerful revelation that Abba has given us, we half jokingly/half seriously say "That's going in our book!" Who knows, maybe you'll see it on the shelf someday.
These days Shanny is half way across the world serving our King with an ardent love that exudes from her pure heart. I miss her bunches, but couldn't be happier to see my sister/friend walking in the ways of our God -- pouring her life out for the broken.
A few weeks ago, my family had Shannon's family (all 9 of them, minus my sweet friend of course) over to our home. They all have such a special place in my heart and I soaked up the hours we spent discussing the work of God in our lives and let the tears stream down my cheeks as we worshipped and proclaimed God's goodness together. At one point in the evening I began sharing about my struggle with feeling tainted.
You see, courtship is like one of the pillars of the homeschool movement, and as a teenager, one way to look pretty spiritual is to be on the courtship train. I was that girl in middle and high school that went to the purity conferences, read the courtship books, and made the husband lists (Did anyone else do this? That's a whole other post all together!). Now those books can be really great if you read one or two, but if you read twelve like me and some of my friends did, it gets really unhealthy really fast. First, it gives you a completely skewed perspective. In retrospect, I wish that I had read one of those books, and ten others on prayer, consecration, missions, and theology. Romantic relationships did not need to take up so much space in my thoughts or my bookshelf.
Second, I fell in love with godly rules more than relationship with God. Those of you who know me well probably smile when I say that I love black and white -- right and wrong. There is something in my God created nature that loves moral absolutes and unquestionable truth. But at sixteen, that part of me saw many of the principles in those books as rules that lead to a perfect relationship, marriage, and life. The devastating flip side of that coin is that if you make even one mistake or break one rule, your hopes of a wonderful marriage shatter forever. I joke that I believed things like, "Well, I had a crush on a boy so now I'll never have a good marriage." But in reality, I believed that with all my heart. I believed that I was tainted. I knew that God would forgive and redeem me where I had been emotionally promiscuous, but I completely believed that I was no longer pure and lovely. My once white dress had its hem drug through the mud.
At this point, Caleb, Shannon's little brother (who isn't so little anymore at 21) spoke up. Caleb is the perfect example of still waters run deep. He doesn't speak up often, but when he purposes to make his voice heard, it is often profound. And this time was no exception. He began to share that you may believe that you've ruined a part of yourself by "messing up," but in reality, we are all already completely ruined and Jesus loves that. We are born in a sinful state and Jesus lovingly chooses to redeem us. Just let that sink in for a second. We are born in sin and live a life of sanctification from the moment of salvation onward. We are not born with these clean slates that we mar and mark up over the course of life. Jesus is taking me on a love adventure and as I love Him more, I am being transformed into the spectacular Bride. When Caleb spoke those words, the Holy Spirit gave me a complete paradigm shift. The lies of the enemy that I had ruined it all were no longer valid. I realized that I was born ruined and have been gloriously redeemed.
At this point, Caleb, Shannon's little brother (who isn't so little anymore at 21) spoke up. Caleb is the perfect example of still waters run deep. He doesn't speak up often, but when he purposes to make his voice heard, it is often profound. And this time was no exception. He began to share that you may believe that you've ruined a part of yourself by "messing up," but in reality, we are all already completely ruined and Jesus loves that. We are born in a sinful state and Jesus lovingly chooses to redeem us. Just let that sink in for a second. We are born in sin and live a life of sanctification from the moment of salvation onward. We are not born with these clean slates that we mar and mark up over the course of life. Jesus is taking me on a love adventure and as I love Him more, I am being transformed into the spectacular Bride. When Caleb spoke those words, the Holy Spirit gave me a complete paradigm shift. The lies of the enemy that I had ruined it all were no longer valid. I realized that I was born ruined and have been gloriously redeemed.
It looks like our book is going to have to have a guest contributor:) Hint, hint, Caleb.
P.S. I absolutely LOVED being homeschooled, wholly support the practice, and will probably educate my children at home someday. This is not an attack on homeschooling, simply a desire to see young people set free from lies that can be found in the broad "homeschooling movement."
